A Mother, a Liar, and a Very Sharp Sword

It will shock precisely no one to hear that unresolved conflict can be profoundly damaging to our personal relationships, schools, and churches. But it may be surprising that four excellent lessons on resolving conflict come from 1 Kings 3:16-28, the patently unique account of King Solomon dealing with two prostitutes and their curious request.

The story begins as follows:

“Now two women who were harlots came to the king, and stood before him. And one woman said, ‘O my lord, this woman and I dwell in the same house; and I gave birth while she was in the house. Then it happened, the third day after I had given birth, that this woman also gave birth. And we were together; no one was with us in the house, except the two of us in the house. And this woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on him. So she arose in the middle of the night and took my son from my side, while your maidservant slept, and laid him in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. And when I rose in the morning to nurse my son, there he was, dead. But when I had examined him in the morning, indeed, he was not my son whom I had borne.’ Then the other woman said, ‘No! But the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son’ ” (1 Kings 3:16-22).

Not your average bedtime story, is it? But already this unique tale reveals a first lesson about conflict resolution:

Conflict can be a sign of health. This, of course, does not mean that we should like conflict (in fact, if you do like conflict, a therapist may be beneficial to your future . . . ). But at times it is nonetheless true that peace is a sign, not of health, but of disease, particularly in our churches and schools. Imagine if the story’s baby swap had occurred and both women had been in agreement, no conflict between them at all. Such a response would have been anything but healthy. Kidnapping is wrong, and, on the other hand, so is freely abandoning your baby to another, were that the case. The point is clear: There almost certainly needed to be some conflict over this situation.

I point this out because sometimes well-meaning Christians can divorce biblical principles from the Bible itself. “Peace in the name of Jesus”—a fine biblical principle—too easily becomes “Peace at all costs,” which is not a biblical concept at all. As painful as conflict is, sometimes it is a sign of health. So refuse to immediately shy away from conflict. It could be a sign that a relationship or a church or a school is finally facing some deeply important issues—as at least one of the women in our story is doing.

But which one? The story continues:

“And the king said, ‘The one says, “This is my son, who lives, and your son is the dead one”; and the other says, “No! But your son is the dead one, and my son is the living one.” ’ Then the king said, ‘Bring me a sword.’ So they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, ‘Divide the living child in two, and give half to one, and half to the other’ ” (verses 23-25).

The second lesson about conflict resolution is this: When it comes to healthy conflict resolution, leaders set the tone. This, of course, is not to say that for your next conflict you should threaten to cut someone in half. But I am saying that Solomon makes the right move here, in that he refuses to ignore the problem. He instead tackles it head-on.

‘Peace in the name of Jesus’—a fine biblical principle—too easily becomes ‘Peace at all costs,’ which is not a biblical concept at all.

If you are a leader, you will inevitably set the tone on conflict resolution, both by what you do and what you don’t do. This is true whether you lead your family, or a church ministry, or a local school, or what have you. So do all you can to set that tone well. Refuse to let conflict go underground. Be loving, be proactive, be clear, while being kind, and do what is necessary to resolve relational conflict using proven biblical principles.[*] Good things will happen in your part of the Lord’s kingdom if you do.

Our story continues with verse 26:

“Then the woman whose son was living spoke to the king, for she yearned with compassion for her son; and she said, ‘O my lord, give her the living child, and by no means kill him!’ But the other said, ‘Let him be neither mine nor yours, but divide him.’ ”

A third lesson our story teaches is this: Before investigating, always assume there are things you don’t know. Solomon could have simply rendered judgment based on who sounded the most convincing. But he instead enters into an effective process of investigation—a highly unorthodox investigation, to be sure, sword and all, but nonetheless effective. To which I would add: Go thou in principle and do likewise.

During my years as a pastor I’ve heard some juicy rumors about others. And yes, it can be tempting to believe them: “That sounds so much like that person; it must be true!” But Solomon’s story calls us to resist that temptation. If you hear that so-and-so in your area of ministry or your school has said something terrible about you, or done some horrific deed, wait; withhold judgment; investigate before coming to a conclusion. It can save you and many others from a smorgasbord of difficulties.

Our story concludes with verses 27 and 28:

“So the king answered and said, ‘Give the first woman the living child, and by no means kill him; she is his mother.’ And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had rendered; and they feared the king, for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him to administer justice.”

The final lesson from our story is the most encouraging: Dealing effectively with conflict can bring lasting, positive results to your relationships, church, and school. Solomon’s wise resolution of the conflict between these two women helped launch his fame skyward. And more important, the nation’s trust in his leadership multiplied.

You may not lead an entire country. But learning to resolve conflict in biblical, efficient fashion will invariably bring with it substantial blessings that will bless both you and others. God can use all kinds of people to work and lead in our churches, schools, conferences, unions, etc. But Solomon’s example suggests God can particularly use those who know how to rightly cultivate peace. May that kind of skill become ever more abundant in His church, particularly as the days grow darker and conflict abounds.

[*] There are numerous texts in Scripture that apply to conflict resolution, but Matthew 18:15-17 surely stands at the top of the list. Learn it, use it, and good things will come to pass.